Post-neurosurgery: age 29 and 42

Liz after neurosurgery at age 29 (2009).

Liz after neurosurgery at age 42 (2022).

It has been two weeks since my fourth neurosurgery. Today I’ve been on a deep dive down memory lane remembering brain surgeries from the past, and thinking critically about my current recovery.

As a 14-year citizen scientist (we used to be called bloggers), the one big thing I have to show for my work is a comprehensive, date, and time-stamped chart written from a first person perspective. Take that, official medical record!

Unbeknownst to pretty much everyone, in the early years after my diagnosis I squirreled away a number of videos of me talking about what I am observing/thinking in real time. I saved these videos but was too embarrassed to disseminate the footage for a number of reasons: fear I did not know what I was talking about; fear I didn’t look good; fear I’d appear self-centered, self-indulgent, or vain.

Compare my then-fear with the “share everything on social media” culture we live in today, and my hesitancy feels a bit naive and quaint when I think about it now. 😅

42-year old Liz reflecting on 29-year old Liz

Now that I am older, cooler and wiser, I am able to look back on the experience of Liz at age 29. Late-20s Liz was a graphic designer with no background in science. That Liz had no idea what was in store for her, the adventure she was on, or what she’d learn along the way.

As I review old videos catalogued on external hard drives (not to mention the hundreds of blog posts that exist on this website), what is becoming more clear to me is that I’ve always viewed this brain tumor adventure through a lens of adventure, curiosity, and self-discovery.

In case you are interested, here’s never-before-seen footage of Liz Salmi, age 29, three days after her second neurosurgery, explaining the inner-workings of the parietal lobe to an audience of no one (4 minutes, 35 seconds). 😆 This is not groundbreaking content, however, what I think we are seeing is a brief glimpse of the person I was going to be in the future, or who I am today. Or maybe this has always been me?

If you have known me since my 20s, or even in high school (or as a kid), I’d be curious if the unfiltered, post-brain surgery Liz of 2009 tracks with the Liz you have always known.

Thank you for humoring me during this self-reflection.

P.S. Everything 29-year old Liz says about the sensory and motor parts of our brain was accurate, and still track with my experience today.