Surviving

Should a 32-year-old with brain cancer save for retirement?

by Liz on Jun 1, 2012 • 10:47 pm 20 Comments

I'd rather be spending my money to see the San Francisco Giants with my best friend and Uncle Bob.

Help me decide:

Should one save for retirement when they have an incurable form of cancer with a high mortality rate?

There are a few different ways to look at this situation.

I could think on the bright side: I may live until I am 85 years old. I should be saving my money in a 401(k), IRA or other retirement account to have something to lean back on after my working days are over. And even if I do die before I can cash-out, the money will go to Brett.

Or, I could ‘Live for today!’ There are no sure things in this life–including life–so why stash money away when I can save it up and go on a fantastic vacation with my husband every year? And Disneyland every eight months or so? And also go to baseball games? Ultimately, I want experiences and memories with the person I love the most.

There is no right answer.

What are you going to do?

Susan

I am glad to hear that I am not the only one trying to figure this out.   I am married and have 4 kids so my situation is a little bit different, but having terminal cancer does make you wonder what you should do as far as lifetime savings.

Here is how I have thought about my savings:
1.) I have to be able to pay our bills — medical bills included.
2.)  My family and I should be able to have fun because no one is promised tomorrow.
3.) Whatever is left, it goes to savings.

Good luck figuring things out for your own situation. Thanks for being such an advocate and inspiration to the brain tumor community!
Susan
Edward Slas

Liz, a lot of us have kids to worry about. I can’t just blow my life savings on hot dogs at Disney Land, I have two kids to get through college, even if I’m not here to see it.

My attitude about money has changed drastically. I used to ride my wife about every frivolous dime she spent. Half in the spirit of making the best of my last years, and part its not my responsibility anymore, I now keep my mouth shut.

The only thing that does keep me up at night is how we will pay the bills from the time I become disabled to the end, which could be a couple years. That could run us dry and leave my family on the street.

I don’t worry much about things I can’t change, and it might be a big to do about nothing.
elizabeth

Liz:
My situation is similar to yours – married, 39 years old, no kids. We used most of the retirement money we had set aside to pay for my treatment so now, we don’t have much put away. And that’s probably okay. We’ve sort of taken the path of if we have money left over at the end of the month – do something fun with it. Our bills come first but beyond that, my husband wants to spend time with me doing interesting things while I still can. If there were kids in the mix my attitude would probably be different.
http://thelizarmy.com Liz

I am not replying to any one person in particular…

But yes, since Brett and I have no kids (and it doesn’t make sense adding some now) I do not worry for the future of children and their needs.

Ed: I love that you mentioned “blowing your life savings on hot dogs at Disneyland.” The way I see it, when I am on vacation I want to make it the best vacation possible. And if that means buying a $10 hot dog, so be it.

Elizabeth: I think you and I identify with each other the most in this post.

While my husband can certainly take care of himself, our medical insurance is through me. And unless he finds a job with the same insurance as I have, I have to be able to work as long as I can.

All this begs another question: why am I wasting time worrying? If life and the experience I have is the most important thing, then I should stop obsessing.

At the same time, how can we not obsess? It is unrealistic.

elizabeth

I worked for many years for a financial planner and was licensed as the same before my diagnosis. With all the knowledge I have about financial planning and seeing what he current financial situation of the country as a whole is, for me personally (and this is certainly a decision that is highly personal) I’ve chosen to not save for retirement. I would love it if my husband were able to but, it isn’t possible right now. That may change and if it does I will encourage him to do so. Fortunately we made the choice to start a life insurance policy when we were in our 20s and have kept it up even though it would have been easier not to. What I recommend for everyone, healthy or ill is to look at how their accounts are held. Specifically will your spouse or family be able to easily access your assets at the time of your death. Whether that means holding accounts jointly (which is the ‘right’ way most of the time for married folks) or making sure that your beneficiaries are correct or having a payable on death order on accounts you hold individually. That’s probably more that anyone wanted to read but, that was my job. As a side note – I always am in favor of health directives – once again for EVERYONE. One never knows when something will come up and it’s so much easier to not have to make those decisions at the spur of the moment. As morbid as it may seem – at the very least having in mind who you would like to be the responsible individual for you is important.
Stepping down from my soap box now.
I am so happy your blog is out there for people to read. You do a great job of putting things in perspective and chronicling your journey. You’ve said many things that I couldn’t find a good way to say. Thank you.

http://www.MortonTheTumor.blogspot.com/ Gahendersons

Liz- We have the same question, but in addition, would it be selfish to have a child knowing that my husband might not live their entire life? We see it as nothing in life is guaranteed, if everyone waited to have kids until they knew they would live the next 18+ years then no one would have kids because we don’t know the extent of our own mortality (even with brain cancer.) I’d be interested to know your feelings on this seeing as though you have brain cancer and all (like my husband.)

http://twitter.com/TheLizArmy Liz X

I don’t think it is selfish to have a kid even though your husband has brain cancer. If you both wanted to have kids before, why not do it now?

Keep in mind, this is coming from someone who is not planning on having kids. I am probably less informed on the topic.

Psuedo Uncle Bob

you are capable of doing both and so that is what you should do.
http://aquariusvscancer.com/ kimmywink

I’ve had to make some difficult decisions around retirement too. I’m 35, married, no kids, & have terminal lung cancer. Generally, I’m living for today & spending money like I’ve got the uncertain future that I do. Note: I’m fortunate to have a few policies in place that will leave my husband enough funds to maintain our standard of living when I die.

It’s incredibly difficult to know what to do. I’m happy to tell you my story over email if you want to get ideas.
Mary Jean

I’m actually meeting with a financial planner in a couple of weeks to discuss some of this.

In the meantime, we’re trying to be responsible in terms of middle ground planning– let’s make sure our house is in good shape (we’re replacing our fence shortly), let’s pay for child expenses (our one daughter was born a year before my diagnosis).

We’re lucky in a couple of ways– I’m still able to work as a lawyer (not that I make TONS of $, but enough), and about 5 years ago we took out life insurance on each other. So once I go (which I am sure will be before the 25 years of the policy that’s left expires) my husband will get enough $ to pay off our mortgage. Since he makes less $ than me that is especially important.
http://patrickmacedo20.blogspot.com/ Patrick Macedo

Liz, I was having the exact same discussion with my wife last night! You might like my blog on a similar topic: http://www.patrickmacedo20.blogspot.com.br/2012/05/overcoming-fear-secret-of-life.html
I’ve blown through my savings, had kids, completed triathlons, all of this with brain tumor, except I didn’t know I had it.
Bottom line is we should do what makes us enjoy life at that exact moment. Blowing through savings only to feel guilty later doesn’t make sense, but saving only to look back and see all the great things you didn’t do because you were saving for the future makes even less sense.
Live the moment, yesterday is the past, tomorrow is the future, today is a gift, that’s why it is called the present. I really believe we will be able to work until we are very old, I honestly don’t think I want to retire. When you like your work you will never work again, find something you like and don’t worry about retirement!
Nitin Sharma

Good Evening mam,
I am from India and need your help as my father is having tumour in his brain.
He was diagnosed with the tumour for first time in July 2011.
Since then ,we have tried all the treatment for him but the recent MRI reports have shown that the tomuor is on increasing its size.

Please tell us the best hospital and doctors by whom you got your treatment.
28x26x30 mm is the size which has been shown in the reports.

Please help!!
Nitin Sharma

elizabeth

Nitin:
I am very pleased with the treatment I recieved at Mayo Clinic in Rochester, Minnesota. My surgeon was Dr. Ian Parney and he is fabulous. He still reviews each of my MRI scans two years post surgery and sends me a letter with his opinion on my residual tumor (or lack there of as the case is now). If you can manage to get your father there IMHO it would be totally worth it.
Best wishes to you and your father.

Nitin Sharma

I forgot to mention my father’s age.
He is only 32 years old.He is having very critical condition.
http://patrickmacedo20.blogspot.com/ Patrick Macedo

Liz, I just created a whole post on your question, hope you like it and that it helps you with your decision! Check out on http://www.patrickmacedo20.blogspot.com. Cheers!

http://twitter.com/TheLizArmy Liz X

This is great, Patrick! I am going to share your post on my Facebook page.

http://twitter.com/the_sdawg SDAWG

Great question, Liz. In my heart, I would love to believe that I’m going to live to a ripe, old age with my partner. In my logical brain, I know that this probably isn’t the case.

That being said, I think there’s a middle ground that would be the best path for me. We’re doing our best to pay our bills and stay on top of things. At the same time, we try to go out to dinner once a week so that we have a relaxed lifestyle. And by go out to eat, I mean splurge on a $25 meal.

I dunno . . . I have $3500 in a retirement account that will probably end up getting used to pay medical bills at some point. We’ll see.

http://twitter.com/TheLizArmy Liz X

I feel similarly as you. We are splurging by taking vacations. And going to baseball games. And, well, doing everything but going into debt.

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Should a 32-year-old with brain cancer save for retirement?

Should one save for retirement when they have an incurable form of cancer with a high mortality rate?

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Should a 32-year-old with brain cancer save for retirement?

Should one save for retirement when they have an incurable form of cancer with a high mortality rate?

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