Alternate realities
On the way home from the lake tonight I wondered what I would be doing right now if I never had a brain tumor.
I would have been working for W+P for ten months by this point. Work may be slow, but I would probably still have a job.
I would be a junior at Sac State, and I would have been 15 pounds heavier.
It wouldn't matter what job Brett had because my income alone would be enough for the two of us to live without the need of a roommate (not that we have a bad roommate). I would be making more money that I have ever made before.
I would have gotten the living room painted. I would have been able to buy those chairs. Brett and I could have gone to Hawaii by now.
If I hadn't had a brain tumor it would have been me driving my car home tonight. It's a Wednesday night. I would probably have been getting home from school in Sacramento. I would have been tired from working all day.
I would probably be exhausted from the double load of work and school, and the commute between the two. I wouldn't have given myself a break to rest because I would feel (and still feel) responsible for my own success. I would have believed that I didn't have time to take breaks because I was already behind the eight-ball when it came to an "official" college education and now I have to work twice as hard.
The brain tumor-less Liz would have given her right arm to have the "break" I am having now.
The Liz with the brain tumor as of 3.5 months ago would have given anything to go back to working hard and being normal.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Brain tumor. I get it.
Cut it out, and let me get back to my life.
But how do I feel now? What is better--the stress of normal life, or the down-time to reflect and appreciate it all?
