In reality, everything is terrifying

PHOTO: Brett kisses my scar before every scan

If you know me you might think I have a good attitude about having cancer. And it is true... I have a great outlook on things in general.

But I need to be honest here. There are times when I get desperately sad. There are times when I scroll through my phone looking for a name, a person to call who can understand me, and there isn't one name that stands out as a person I should bother with my troubles.

If your name is in my phone book you may be thinking, "You could always call me!" But I can't. I bet I even considered calling you once or twice, but when I am really sad your smiling face doesn't even register as a possibility.

I have to be honest. Liz is not all sunshine and rainbows. I am not the perfect cancer patient/survivor/warrior/whatever.

I'm a human being who is scared shitless. I get through all this by not letting myself dwell on the bad things. But if I let myself concentrate... I end up in a horrible place.

Frankly, it is embarrassing to admit this weakness, but maybe being honest about my moments, with what could be defined as "depression," will mean something to someone, somewhere.

I figure, if we're all so much alike, maybe you'll understand this too.